When I came to Daniel in the middle of the day I did not felt very good. I had some anxiety which I had for about a week. Now I was in my low state, I felt afraid that I would meet terrible feelings during the session, think that Daniel was my enemy and run off. I had a lot of expectations and some fears. Among other things I thought that I would revisit terrible traumas from my childhood, get stuck in them and go home with even more pain. It turned out that none of those fears or thoughts would come true!
We drank tea and talked for a few hours, among other things about safety, and the anxiety disappeared. Daniel did a tarot reading regarding the dose, and a little about what to expect of the trip, which was inspiring! We used nine seeds each. We prepared the session by crushing the seeds and making cold tea from the crumbs. We sat on a pillow on the floor and invited the entities we wanted help and support from during the session. Daniel did a shamanic purification ceremony with smoke from a special type of wood. (Palo Santo)
We drank our tea and it tasted quite ok. After only 15 minutes I started to feel the effect – I felt somewhat dizzy/sluggish, drowsy and a bit cozy. After a while Daniel thought it was time to meditate with the substance, so we lay down and closed our eyes. I felt curious and also afraid of the new, unknown and “dangerous”, but that soon passed and I slept some.
After a few hours it was time to venture out into the forest. I felt that my body was very sluggish and that I was sleepy. As soon as I got the opportunity I sat down and rested. We dressed in our warmest clothes and went out. I felt a little afraid that I would look drugged or sound drugged when I talked. I worried that the neighbors might see and hear us, but there was no danger and everything went well. I felt so tired that it took much effort for me to walk. Finally we sat down by a sheep pasture.
Daniel asked me to lie down and bury my hands in the grass to make contact with the earth, and then to hand over all that which I no longer needed or which no longer benefited me to the earth. I spoke loudly, and Daniel walked a little further to give me space. The tiredness disappeared. I did as he said, and it felt ok, but I was not 100 percent there. After a while I was absorbed by a thought: I did not want to remain in my relationship! I felt really scared that it might be true and that I would need to break up!
I went to Daniel and told him about my thought, and was very surprised to immediately be given confirmation that I need to make this tough decision in order to be true to myself, develop and feel good. Of course I could make other choices, such as choosing security and convenience, and they were in no way inferior, but they would not lead me to where I really want to go. What I realized later was that Daniel was channeling my higher self. His voice was quite different, and the answers he gave to my questions were so confident and calm, and I noticed that I actually already had all the answers.
As soon as I felt convinced that it was “right” for me to leave my relationship the next terrifying thought appeared: would I have to give up my main occupation? I was aware that it is a bit destructive for me, but it is also very rewarding and what would I do instead? With the same confidence Daniel affirmed my fear and I realized once again that I already had the answer within, but did not dare listen and follow my conviction. Both of these things seemed enormously frightening and painful to me, but I felt that there was no other way for me if I want to get closer to myself, find my strength and create my own life.
There were many questions and I got good answers to everything except that which was too much in the details. Even though I felt terrified to have to tell my girlfriend, employer and everyone else about my decisions, which to some must seem absolutely crazy, I was relieved to finally dare to trust my inner voice. I even laughed several times when I realized how true it was, and how I had tricked myself in different ways! Daniel’s explanations were so obvious, and I felt very fascinated by our conversation. I also felt very present and in safe hands.
When I eventually ran out of questions we went for a walk in the woods, to finally get back inside. I thought it was nice, but I felt the drowsiness coming back, even if the effect of the seeds was much weaker than a few hours earlier. I was assigned to write down everything I was grateful for with my girlfriend, and once I got started I was no longer disturbed by the otherwise rather heavy fatigue. I wrote several pages of things that I am grateful for, and it felt incredibly sad that I would leave a woman who has done so much for me, and who I love. There were doubts, but I realized why I have to leave her. There are things that I have to learn, process, and I cannot do so while I’m with her. What happens later in life remains un-written.
We once again laid down and went on channeling. I was very present and focused. I noted that I really had not had any hallucinations or distorted perception of time or similar effects throughout the session. I understand that sessions with psychedelics can be very different, but this was certainly not what I had expected!
I slept very little that night, and I felt alone with my big challenges. The thoughts whirled around and I was afraid to be perceived as strange by my parents, relatives, friends, colleagues and so on. How can I leave a woman who is so amazing in every possible way, and how can I leave a job that is so fun, desirable and income generating?
I’ve actually done this once before, about 15 years ago. I left my wife and my job at the same time, because it did not feel right in the heart. It was incredibly hard at the time, and it took time to get back on my feet again, but with hindsight I don’t regret it the slightest. Imagine that I would make the same mistake again! Obviously I have not learnt to fully believe in my inner voice yet.
In the morning Daniel was talking as himself again. We talked for a while, ate breakfast, and did a tarot reading, among other things, to gain perspective on what had happened and what will happen, what my biggest problem is (lack of intuition) and how to solve it. Daniel recommended me not to seek other therapies or therapists right now, since it would not benefit me and my development. Most likely I would not take more trips with him in the near future, because I had enough to do with the insights that the session had given me. We thanked each other and with that this amazing, transformative and almost surreal trip was over.
It baffles me that so much could happen in just one session! Now begins the process of taking care of the external reality and manifesting all that the session taught me!
As usual I talk to my client (Anders) about how we best manage difficult situations on psychedelics and how we interact to make the situation as safe as possible. We are working with Hawaiian Baby Woodrose and together we decide on a dose of nine seeds.
To avoid the heavy body load that I experienced when I chewed the seeds we crush and make tea of them, putting the pulverized seeds in teabags and letting them soak in cold water for 30 minutes. That process is supposed to extract the active substance, but leave some substances that are heavy on the body. The water became murky green.
After having purified ourselves, we created a sacred place and called in the four archangels Ishmael, Raphael, Gabriel and Michael, as well as friendly nature spirits. Then we drank the tea.
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00:15 The effect comes very quickly. I feel a slight nausea.
00:35 We lay down to meditate with the seeds. I ask the plant several times to reveal itself to me, but it is evasive. The only thing I can see is a mask that looks to be African or West Indian. The plant asks me to lay in different positions for it to work through my entire body.
02:15 A very short purge (vomit) and then a very creative flow.
02:30 Anders remains in meditation, but asks where I am. He says it would have been easy to just be cozy and continue to lie down, which is one reason why we set an intention and decided that we would go out before taking the trip. This is obviously something that applies throughout life. If you have no intention it is easy to lapse into passivity. He comes along even though he isn’t really keen on it.
approx. 04:00 We are in the woods and I have told Anders to lie down, bury his hands in the grass and let go of anything he no longer wants to mother earth. I lie and do the same some 20 meters away, to give him privacy so he can speak loudly. After 5-10 minutes, he asks if he can come over to me. He has a question.
I connect and begin channeling answers to him. Initially it isn’t entirely clear from where the messages are coming, but they are to the point and obviously correct. After finding that it is neither plant, nature, angels or I speaking, I reach the conclusion that it is his higher self that is speaking through me.
In addition to the answers his higher self emphasizes two things that go together. One is that everything in his life is based on his own free will. He has the power to choose what kind of life he wants to create and live. The second, which is a natural consequence, is that it is his own choice if he wants to do as his higher self advises. His higher self advises him to end his relationship, his job and move out to the woods, but points out that the advice is based on what is best for his healing and growth. He can make the choice to rather emphasize such things as security and convenience, and those choices would in no way be better or worse than any other choice. They are just different choices that lead to different life paths.
approx. 06-08: 00 We go home and I ask Anders to write down the things he has to be grateful for with his girlfriend. Then we continue channeling, but unlike the situation in the woods, I am now passing along equal parts from his higher self and of my own knowledge. The effect is still strong.
10:15 We go to bed. The effect is still very noticeable.
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In conclusion it is much easier for the body to absorb the LSA when you first make cold tea of the seeds. However, it does seem to take away a little of the effect. I guess that nine crushed seeds is the equal of seven chewed seeds.
I can see that LSA has a therapeutic and shamanic potential, but I do not understand why it is hiding from me. I do not feel that it is the plant itself that helps the work, but rather it is my ability to use the psychedelic state which makes LSA a useful substance.
Photo: The woods by Boudewijn Berends on Flickr
Thanks to Azarius for sponsring me with the seeds:
You can also visit Azarius new Swedish website here.