Tag Archives: repressed

The gift of healing

I was lying on the floor with my feet in an armchair as I began to land after the mushroom trip. Suddenly my right leg started twitching. It had been easy for me to make it stop by changing my position, but I got the feeling that I should investigate it instead. So I followed my intuition and let the twitching continue.

It grew in power and I soon noticed that it wasn’t coming from my leg, but rather originated in my pelvis. Soon I was shaking so hard that I had to move my legs out of the chair and onto the floor. I shook and when I dove into the shaking memories began to emerge.
– Please sit next to me, I asked my partner. I need to tell you what is coming up. It is quite fast.

– I’m at primary school and I’m running. I’m afraid. Some boys in the fifth grade are right behind me and they are going to beat me up.
The shaking shifted in character, just as the stories.
– I am 15 and I am masturbating compulsively.
– They’re going to beat me up. I’m afraid.
I lay there for more than an hour while the intense shaking unlocked repressed memories of times when I was afraid. Afterwards I was completely exhausted, but it felt good to have done it. Many things loosened and I felt lighter.

● ● ●

A few days later I was talking with a friend.
– I have been to a shaking course in Stockholm, he told me.
– Really? What was that like, I asked with interest.
Then he told of the exact same technique that I had practiced in my living room. The theory behind it is this: every time you get scared or frightened, your muscles tense. These constant muscle contractions create tension in the body which we never fully release and they mainly settle in the pelvis. Imagine a dog that is frightened. It pulls its tail in between its legs. Humans have the same reaction. What the technique does is to release tension and relieve the person from the emotional luggage and the fears that have been stored away, which of course also leads to one becoming less controlled by old fears.

– But it is important not to do more than 15 minutes at a time, he then said.
I giggled a little to myself, because it’s so typical of me to go all in when I find a new technique.
– What about the memories? How did you work with them, I asked.
– The memories? What do you mean?
– The memories that are associated with each event. Each event is specific and carries with it a specific memory and a specific shaking.
– They said nothing about. We just shook.

● ● ●

As the inquisitive person I am, I took to the web. I soon found Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) developed by David Berceli, PhD, who is an international expert in trauma healing and conflict resolution. The technique he described was identical to the one I have been given. It has been used in disasters around the world, from Utöya in Norway to the ghettos of Cape Town, and is used with good success also for stress and treatment of PTSD.

● ● ●

This is often the case, I’ve noticed. When I have done a good deed for the spirit world – when I have healed a place, helped a spirit pass on or done something good for nature – then I am given a gift, often in the form of healing techniques. This is particularly evident when working with psychedelics. The mushroom does not only deliver insights. It is a plant teacher in its fullest sense. When I am worthy, it teaches me things and gives me gifts.

Thank you for this technique.

Photo: Standing over the clouds by Ewen Roberts on Flickr


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Telling your family about LSD

Not taken LSD– Not even the worst junkies use LSD. It is extremely dangerous! Reality becomes more real.

That last sentence confused her. More real? Well, that explains why junkies stay away. They want anything but reality. She never found out why reality was so dangerous, apart from the risk that you would jump off high-rise buildings in the belief that you can fly. But that thought felt very surreal.

She had been thinking about it for a while and decided that she wanted to try LSD. And who better to talk to about it than her parents, in who she usually always confided? She regretted bringing it up when she realized that, for once, she could not have a rational conversation with them.

There are many who ask themselves if they should tell their family about their psychedelic explorations. On the one hand, it is something that is very important, but on the other hand, there is the concern that they will freak out.

I have asked myself the same question. After just a couple of doses of LSD, I had recovered from my addiction to alcohol and was on my way to overcome my long-term depression. Life finally began to brighten up after seven times two hard years. It felt very important to tell my family what was happening and how miraculous it all was. It was also a challenge for me. When I was an alcoholic I used to lie about everything and especially about how much I drank. But the LSD urged me to speak the truth instead, so I mustered my courage and told my family.

I felt better than I had ever done, but the reaction was extremely negative. It was not only negative, but also in many parts completely absurd. I particularly remember one thing they told me.
– It starts with LSD and ends with heroin.
I had never felt less interested in trying heroin, but apparently that was what I was expected to be heading for. When I drank there were some people smoking heroin in the town where I lived. I remember that I was interested, but I never managed to be in the right place at the right time. I also remember when my friend had tried amphetamines at an after party. When he told me about it I begged him to hook me up. He refused, since he thought that I would become addicted.

In retrospect, I know that I would have been if I had tested it then. I was on the run, fleeing from my life. In the most crucial way, alcohol is much closer related to both amphetamine and heroin than LSD will ever be. They are all drugs on which to escape. It is entirely possible to escape from yourself on alcohol, amphetamines and heroin. One can even say that is their main purpose. With LSD, on the other hand, there’s nowhere to run. LSD will find your most carefully repressed memories, shove them in your face and tell you to shape up. It’s really no wonder that addicts avoid psychedelics.

How the conversation I had with my family went?
Not good. It has been nine years, I have recovered from four addictions and one depression, but my relation to my family is really strained. They’re probably still waiting for me to die of a heroin overdose. But they’re waiting in vain, because since I stopped drinking I have not been the least interested in such substances.

Do I regret telling them?
No. I’m sad that my contact with my family has gone down the drain, but it was a great challenge for me to tell them. I want to live in truth and that was a first step.

Should you tell your family?
What you do is your own responsibility. I do however think that as many as possible should talk openly about their experiences. As far as I can see, there are two important reasons to come forward:
1. As long as you hide and lie about things, you will have discomfort. The chafing feeling can in many cases completely consume you and make you sick. To care for yourself, you should strive to live in truth.
2. The law is moralistic and is used to persecute and oppress people, especially people that think outside the government approved boxes. As long as we hide in the closet, the persecution will continue, because they do not understand that it is their own well tempered, creative and loving children that they are targeting. We need to step forward to break the grip that this offensive and destructive legislation has on our community.

Can it hurt to step forward?

Photo: Crazy Sister by joseloya on Flickr

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