Tag Archives: jealousy

Heart opening at the Tivoli

Paying three Euros for a single ride at the children’s Tivoli felt like a total rip off. Three Euros for a ride that does absolutely nothing but go round in a circle for a few minutes. But as any good parent I payed the absurd sum and let her climb into a silly little car.

She rode the ride and every time she came around she waved to me. She was smiling and laughing and I was so utterly filled with joy seeing her so happy that I couldn’t buy more tickets fast enough. I had found my new favourite ride at the entire place and I was happy just standing there handing over tickets for three Euros a piece.

I have mentioned earlier that having children really opens up the heart chakra. Many people suffer from being closed off at this level. They are envious, jealous and closed hearted. They can’t stand seeing someone else being successful or happy when they themselves are not. There are certainly parents and partners that are envious or jealous of children, that have a hard time seeing even children being loved and happy, but for most people having children will challenge them to overcome that. They can’t help being filled with joy when they see their child happy. For some that might actually be the first time they can look at another human without underlying resentment.

For those that choose to heal and grow it will open their eyes to see other people in the same light. It will make them all the more capable to be happy for other peoples success, to genuinely wish them well in life and to smile when they smile.

Photo: Mirjam at the Tivoli by Daniel Wilby

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Goo, glue and sticky

For a long time I thought that I only suffered from sex addiction. Then she made it clear to me that I abuse relationships as well.

After exploring it for a while I found a metaphor that I think is a pretty good illustration of three levels of my problem. I call it gooey, gluey and sticky.

The goo is easy to spot. It is the grossest sex addiction, where the other person is no more than a body for me to project my fantasies on. It is just as messy and disgusting as it sounds.

The gluey is not as vulgar, and can often be mistaken for love. I do not feel whole in myself, therefore I must attach myself to someone else in order to feel whole. There jealousy, manipulations and control needs grow, because everything that threatens the state of things can quickly turn my world upside down and make me feel half again.

The sticky is the Post-It variation of it all. I so very much like being with you and I miss you before even having left you. I can leave you, even if it is under some anguish, but the longing lingers. This feels much better than the gooey or gluey, and I experience it as part of the recovery process, but it still isn’t in balance.

Sometimes I get to the point where even the sticky ceases to be. There is only bubbling joy, laughter and gratitude for everything that I get. It is all a part of the adventure of lovingly dancing through life. It just is. When I stop chasing things. When I stop expecting. When I don’t even hope for a specific outcome. When I let go of trying to control things. When I stop comparing. Then I get everything I want, without even having to ask for it.

Photo: From the End of the Bed by Lies Thru a Lens on Flickr

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Universal wisdom

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who return to the force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

– Wow! Is that Osho?
– No, it’s Yoda.

Photo: parallel worlds by Alice Popkorn on Flickr

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