Tag Archives: family

What I’m up to nowadays

It has been a while since I last wrote here and a some readers might wonder what I’m up to nowadays. I have three main projects going on in my life right now:

Gardenscaping. I am learning how to create gardens and given my background I am especially interested in the therapeutic aspects, of creating magical spaces, places for meditation, relaxation, interaction and such.

Heal & grow. I am collecting all my tools, insights and thoughts for personal and spiritual development into one book. The first draft is in Swedish but when I am done I will have it translated into English. I am still looking for test readers for the Swedish version. Check out: En shamans verktygslåda

Family. There is a new baby boy in my life and I very happy.

That’s what I’m doing. What are you up to?

Photo: Sun by Daniel R. Blume on Flickr

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Needing more out of life

I have a friend who has a dream job. After having cooked and blogged his way through a large portion of the Italian cuisine, he got a job as a food writer at the newspaper where he works. His Facebook updates are full of delights and it shows that his job has a positive impact on the rest of his family life. I do however get the feeling that if it is not accompanied by wine, cheese and friends laughing, it doesn’t seems to fit into his life.

Another friend has focused on both family and career. He has gone from one high position to another, and commands a price tag that is way above the mine. He is intellectually razor sharp and a creative thinker. Sure, last time I spoke to him he was burnt out and on sick leave, but I suppose that’s all part of the job. He seems to define freedom mainly as being financially independent and debt free.

Just the other week I was at the home of another friend who lives in a modern villa. My instinctive reaction when I walked in was that the place was a temple of stuff. Objectively speaking, I can see that it was a fairly standard equipped home, but in my world it equals gadget hysteria. “I chose security,” she explained. That apparently means a fully equipped home, a man who supports her and a fancy car.

I live in a small rented apartment, I’m separated and my economy has a serious limp at the moment. But I am at the same time incredibly happy that I live my life and not theirs. For although I think that what they are doing is great and seems fun in many ways, to me it feels very flat. I sincerely wish them all the best and hope and believe that they are very happy with their choices in life, but personally I would go crazy if I had to live a life that seems so very superficial. What if life was actually about security, satisfying the senses or climbing the career ladder and being rewarded with money and prestige. I wouldn’t want it that way.

I would love to have security, a dream job and earn obscene amounts of money. But for me life needs to be so much more to be the slightest bit interesting.

Photo: The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear by Caroline on Flickr

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Telling your family about LSD

Not taken LSD– Not even the worst junkies use LSD. It is extremely dangerous! Reality becomes more real.

That last sentence confused her. More real? Well, that explains why junkies stay away. They want anything but reality. She never found out why reality was so dangerous, apart from the risk that you would jump off high-rise buildings in the belief that you can fly. But that thought felt very surreal.

She had been thinking about it for a while and decided that she wanted to try LSD. And who better to talk to about it than her parents, in who she usually always confided? She regretted bringing it up when she realized that, for once, she could not have a rational conversation with them.

There are many who ask themselves if they should tell their family about their psychedelic explorations. On the one hand, it is something that is very important, but on the other hand, there is the concern that they will freak out.

I have asked myself the same question. After just a couple of doses of LSD, I had recovered from my addiction to alcohol and was on my way to overcome my long-term depression. Life finally began to brighten up after seven times two hard years. It felt very important to tell my family what was happening and how miraculous it all was. It was also a challenge for me. When I was an alcoholic I used to lie about everything and especially about how much I drank. But the LSD urged me to speak the truth instead, so I mustered my courage and told my family.

I felt better than I had ever done, but the reaction was extremely negative. It was not only negative, but also in many parts completely absurd. I particularly remember one thing they told me.
– It starts with LSD and ends with heroin.
I had never felt less interested in trying heroin, but apparently that was what I was expected to be heading for. When I drank there were some people smoking heroin in the town where I lived. I remember that I was interested, but I never managed to be in the right place at the right time. I also remember when my friend had tried amphetamines at an after party. When he told me about it I begged him to hook me up. He refused, since he thought that I would become addicted.

In retrospect, I know that I would have been if I had tested it then. I was on the run, fleeing from my life. In the most crucial way, alcohol is much closer related to both amphetamine and heroin than LSD will ever be. They are all drugs on which to escape. It is entirely possible to escape from yourself on alcohol, amphetamines and heroin. One can even say that is their main purpose. With LSD, on the other hand, there’s nowhere to run. LSD will find your most carefully repressed memories, shove them in your face and tell you to shape up. It’s really no wonder that addicts avoid psychedelics.

How the conversation I had with my family went?
Not good. It has been nine years, I have recovered from four addictions and one depression, but my relation to my family is really strained. They’re probably still waiting for me to die of a heroin overdose. But they’re waiting in vain, because since I stopped drinking I have not been the least interested in such substances.

Do I regret telling them?
No. I’m sad that my contact with my family has gone down the drain, but it was a great challenge for me to tell them. I want to live in truth and that was a first step.

Should you tell your family?
What you do is your own responsibility. I do however think that as many as possible should talk openly about their experiences. As far as I can see, there are two important reasons to come forward:
1. As long as you hide and lie about things, you will have discomfort. The chafing feeling can in many cases completely consume you and make you sick. To care for yourself, you should strive to live in truth.
2. The law is moralistic and is used to persecute and oppress people, especially people that think outside the government approved boxes. As long as we hide in the closet, the persecution will continue, because they do not understand that it is their own well tempered, creative and loving children that they are targeting. We need to step forward to break the grip that this offensive and destructive legislation has on our community.

Can it hurt to step forward?

Photo: Crazy Sister by joseloya on Flickr

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