Tag Archives: communication

Talking to a stone

I know that stones are alive and can communicate, but I had never attempted to talk to one. So one day I lay down on a small boulder and tried to talk to it. Being a stone it spoke very slowly indeed. It took 15 minutes to get a single sentence out.
– Get off, you’re blocking the sun.
So I got up and took a walk instead.

One time we were channelling for a friend and she very much wanted to get hold of her grandfather who had passed on, so we did.
– Why are you bothering me? he opened by saying.
– It’s me, Jane. Your granddaughter. I want to know if you’re alright and if you perhaps have some advice for me.
There was a short pause and then:
– Oh, that life. That was a really boring life and even miserable in some parts. I don’t want to talk to anyone from then. Please don’t bother me anymore. I have moved on since that.

Answers like those are often quite funny and for me they reinforce my certainty that the communication with other energies is true. Most of my experience with channelling deceased relatives is that there is a focus on love, helping and healing. There is often a purity and in some cases even something divine to the answers, but after a while you still get used to them. And then along comes an answer that is just off the wall, something that I couldn’t have imagined. It brings a smile to my face.

Another kind of answer I really like is the one where the answer is so self-evident that I feel like a fool having asked the question. As humans we often make things considerably more complicated than they actually are. We over-think things and we make decisions from the wrong perspective. And as we get mixed up in detail, so do our questions. For example, when we had just begun channelling we had a long contact with our daughter from before she was conceived and a few months into the pregnancy. At that time there was talk about 2012 and where to be and what to do on December the 21st. So I asked my soon to be baby daughter:
– Where should we be on December the 21st 2012?
Two words.
– With me.
I felt so stupid. My question was way off. The important thing for us was not where we would be, but with whom. And the answer to that question was nothing but obvious.

The odd answers help me trust what I feel and hear. They often also come with new insight and give me an opportunity to laugh at myself. A lesson to take from it is not to take for granted that everything wants to communicate with you.

Photo: Meditating Monk Boy by Surian Soosay on Flickr

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Communicate your needs

I find that people are most often willing to fulfil your needs, but in order to give them a fair chance to do so you need to communicate them. Too many of us start complaining that our needs aren’t being met without ever having told anyone what it is we need. As if people around us were mind readers. As if they didn’t have enough to think about without having to try to decode our silence.

I was once in the awkward situation of being criticized because I bought and cooked food that another person was allergic or sensitive to. But when I asked that person what s/he needed instead s/he just couldn’t tell me, because s/he had no idea what s/he was sensitive to. It isn’t enough to say what you don’t want in order to have your needs met. You need to say what you do want and need. In the example above I was left without a clue, but I was still expected to buy food that suited the person, which was an impossible mission.

The clearer and more specific you are, the easier it will be for others to help you out. If I were to say to a teacher “I have a hard time following you”, that is quite vague. Your trouble might be that the teacher is speaking too softly, uses a language that is too advanced, isn’t taking the time to explain fully, that you have the sun in your eyes, or any of a hundred other reasons. If you say “I have a hard time following you because I don’t understand the structure of your lessons” you are being more specific.

If you have suggestions on how to solve a problem you are having that will often be much appreciated. On the same example, if you were to continue by saying “It would help me very much if you took a moment just before the lesson to tell us what we are going to do today” most teachers would be eager to meet that request.

In many cases you will need to educate people on how you work. And who better to do so than you since you are the true expert on your own workings. When you figure out how you work and communicate that to others it will be so much easier for them to help you out. Even if you communicate your needs very well it might take the other person many tries before they get it right.  Be patient.

As you get better at communicating and having your needs met, please help others to communicate theirs.

  • Know how you work and what you need.
  • Be honest with yourself and others.
  • Communicate your needs.
  • Give solutions.
  • Educate the surrounding to your needs. Be patient.
  • Show the same courtesy to others. Learn how others work and how you can help them out.

Photo: To eat or not to eat by daniellehelm on Flickr

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Pruning the hedge

The garden had been neglected for many years when we were invited to work with it. A beautiful old hedge ran along one side of the garden, but with time it had become an overgrown shrubbery. It became my first priority which I met with enthusiasm and a sturdy pair of hedge clippers. The shrubbery scratched me, poked me and hit me in the head. I went home with abrasions, lacerations and bruises.

The next day I was not as eager. Instead I began by explaining to the elves what I wanted to do. I touched the branches and told the hedge what I wanted to achieve. Only then did I begin cutting and sawing.

The difference was like night and day. When I started by telling the hedge and its inhabitants what I wanted to do, everything went very easy and I wasn’t injured at all.

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The last beer

It was approximately two years after I had stopped drinking that a thought struck me one especially nice summer day. “Hey, wouldn’t it be nice with a cold beer right now? You should be able to drink just a little, seeing that you’ve been sober for so long. It’s no problem.” a naughty little voice seemed to whisper in my ear.

So I went to the liquor store and bought two beers. I opened on of them and took a few gulps when the rest of my body screamed out in anger and disgust. “What the fuck are you doing!? Why do you want to poison me? What you just drank is poison. Poison! Stop it! I beg of you!”

It was two gulps – hardly enough to fill a small glass a third of the way up – but my body was sickened by it. Looking back I understand that I have been in similar situations many times. I have done something that has triggered my body to protest violently, such as eating sweets after having been sugar free for a long time. So I know from experience that it is quite easy to push past that initial nausea. You just keep eating or drinking or smoking and after a while you are all poisoned again and have forgotten all about your body’s protest.

But on that day I didn’t push on. I put the two bottles on the pavement, one almost full and the other unopened, and I walked away. And I know that I am never walking back to that.

Photo: Sleep little angel by Gideon on Flickr

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Five levels of listening

There are many different ways of listening. Listening is simply so much more than being quiet and how good we are at it is very much a reflection of how well we manage to move our focus outside ourselves. I know of five levels of listening.

1. What do I want to say?

At the first level I mostly listen to myself. I am looking for keywords which link in to what I want to say. All thoughts lead back to me, which of course means that I am not really listening at all. I am just looking for the opening to talk about myself. A typical thing a listener at this first level would say is “that’s exactly like when I…”, which is often followed by something only vaguely related to what the other person was trying to say.

2. What is the other person saying?

On the second level, I listen to the words that the other person says and I try to understand them. The focus is on hearing the words and understanding their literal meaning, which can be quite tricky.

3. What is the other person really saying?

As we all know, the words we say are only a fraction of our communication. We say far more with our body language, tone of voice and such. At the third level of listening, I listen to the entire communication and also take into account that which is communicated in other ways than with words.

4. What is the other person trying to say?

It isn’t always easy to say what you want to say. You might not find the right words, your gestures are out of line and your brain just isn’t cooperating. At the fourth level of listening, I go beyond what is actually communicated, and listen to what the person is trying to say. This listening is sympathetic and helpful.

5. What is the highest truth behind what the other person is saying?

Our stories conceal deeper truths, which we often aren’t aware of ourselves. We are an expression of the highest divine and it expresses itself through us. When I listen at the fifth level, I can see the divine in you, and hear the deeper truth that exists between the lines.

Photo: Listening by Eugene Kim on Flickr

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Your typical drugstory

– While I was studying civil engineering, I also studied a language halftime and had a job. I was so stressed out that I had bloody faeses. I went to the hospital where they diagnosed me with ulcerative colitis, which they say is a chronic disease that some get and then have the rest of their lives. So they gave me suppositories to treat it and that’s all I got from the health care system.

– But then I ate mescaline with a friend in nature. After a friendly dialogue with a flower I lay down on the ground and had some sort of communication with my stomach. I asked and the stomach simply explained to me that I could not live the way I did. That I had to make some major changes in my life. Live more consciously, more focused in my body, more aware of what I eat. So I did as the stomach told me and I haven’t had a symptom for 8 years.

– So their chronic illness can go to hell. Their diagnoses are so bloody bad.

Photo: Eye Contact by Petra on Flickr

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Let’s talk about sex

When I was younger my girlfriends and I did not talk about sex. In retrospect it seems completely retarded, but I have understood that many people don’t. Sex is something you have, but not something you talk about.

My girlfriends and I fumbled around. Sometimes we were successful and sometimes not, but I was never really sure when we were one or the other, because we never talked about it. What I can say for certain is that my sex life back then was quite boring and flat and didn’t really evolve.

More troubling, however, was that I was the self-centered type who thought I knew. I particularly remember one time when my girlfriend gently tried to ask me to do whatever I was doing a little different, because it would be more enjoyable for her. I was offended, sulked like a 5 year old and refused. (If you see her, please tell her that I’m sorry about that.)

Then I took LSD.

It turned my whole life upside down, or to be more precise, it straightened me out. I was single at the time, which was good, because the first year I spent in celibacy. When I had worked enough with myself that my sex drive returned, I approached sex with an entirely different curiosity for other people.

Among the first things I did then was to sign on to a couple of dating sites. There were some sporadic dates, but what was especially good for me initially was that I started to sex chat with girls. From not being able to think outside the box sexually, I began taking impression of others’ fantasies and it gave me the opportunity to poke around in my own thoughts about what I would like to experience. Suddenly, I had a lot of new ideas that I wanted to try out, but it was obvious that it was impossible for me to do so without actually opening my mouth and talking to the other person.

In my first relationship after I began using LSD, we were very communicative. It was still very scary for me to say what I wanted, but I found my courage. We sat down one night and wrote a list of everything sexual that we wanted to experience together and with others. The list became quite long and could have had the title “to do”, because that was how we approached it.

In my next relationship I took another major step forward by starting to talk to my partner before, during and after the act. Now it comes very natural for me to ask things like “what did you feel when I did that?” and “is there anything I can do better? “. But what makes the big difference is that I am no longer so self-centered. I can take instructions and get feedback, without thinking that it is an insult. I am actually very grateful when you give me feedback. Your body is unique and I need to learn how it works. To do so we need to talk to each other.

Since then I have found more ways to talk about sex, mostly with the body and through touch. I have also worked to overcome my preconceived ideas about what I like and do not like.

When I think back on where I come from there is a world of difference. When I think of the sex life I had, it’s like thinking of a completely different life. It is almost nine years ago that I took LSD for the first time and it revolutionized my sex life. LSD has helped me become a curious, interested and empathetic lover.

But just like anything else in life, you need to practice to become really good at sex. On many levels, I still feel like a happy beginner, but I’m practicing. So please, let’s talk about how we can make it even better. I am sincerely interested.

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