My first recorded song ever – a calming healing song in Swedish meant to remind us to relax and breathe when life is overwhelming.
A big thank you and a hug to everybody who has helped me!
Johan Borgström, Sasha Nielsen, Susanna Dalla-Santa, Fredrik Carlsson, Mirjam Wilby, Luma Nielsen, Irmgard Stünkel, Pétur Pétursson, Jonathan Nertlinge, Alexander Ravenna, Naysha Silva Romero, Sierenna Wilk, Molle Nifkin, Johan Malmborg and Patrick Bongart.
I am trying the seeds on my own, but I have told friends what I am doing. I don’t have my children for five days, or any other appointments, so I have plenty of time to land comfortably afterwards.
The night before I have slept very well. At 14:00 o’clock I eat four sandwiches and two eggs. After consulting my tarot cards I decide to begin my journey at 21:00. As I do so I put on a watch and set it to 12, so that I always know how much time has passed. The times noted in the journey are hours and minutes after I have eaten the seeds. I always have my phone in my pocket, in case I need to get in contact with someone.
I open a sacred space and invite archangel Ishmael, archangel Gabriel and my friend in spirit, Walter. I also invite all beneficial energies to work with me, especially Mother Earth.
One of Azarius customers recommends that you take no more than three seeds the first time, but Azarius also write that a normal trip is four to eight seeds. Erowid places three seeds as a threshold or light dose, a common dose as five to eight seeds and a strong dose as seven to twelve seeds.
I am use to high dose sessions and very familiar with working with psychedelics, so after consulting my tarot cards I decide on a dose of nine seeds. I sing for and plant the tenth seed.
I would not recommend such an initial dose for beginners or intermediate users.
00:05 As with all psychedelics so far I can feel the energy as soon as I take the seeds in my mouth. They are quite hard and I chew them thoroughly.
00:40 The effect is really coming on and I lay down in bed to meditate with the seeds. It tells me how to place my body, but not much more. It doesn’t present itself, as mushrooms do for me. I have no closed eye visuals.
02:30 The seeds have worked through my entire body and also my face, which is new to me. I have a short purge (vomit).
02:40 The body load is very heavy and quite crippling. It lacks the clarity of LSD. I must focus to remain conscious.
Note to self: I must find ways to lessen the body load.
03:00 I need to remind myself not to compare the seeds to LSD, to let them be what they are in their own right. I have no problems operating things like my phone, but I do have a serious problem getting off the floor. No thoughts are buzzing.
03:20 Toilet break. It feels good to stand up, but I am being pulled to lay down.
Note to self: where I am now is not a good therapeutic dose. Too strong, since I am having to focus on being conscious.
03:30 I have beginning heartburn. I eat one Novaluzid, seven almonds and drink a glass of water. Even though the dose is excessive, I am fully able to monitor myself and I am aware of my bodily needs.
03:45 The experience is calming down slightly. I can move around a little more.
04:20 It is not good to lie on my stomach, since it lures me to become unconscious (unconscious as un-aware, not as in falling asleep). I lie on my back and practice a surrendering meditation. The dose is too strong to allow me to do this effectively, since I am putting more effort in to keeping aware and focused, than on surrendering. I do have brief breakthroughs though.
A friend checks in to see how I’m doing.
04:35 Significant increase of body load.
I go outside and notice that it is a full moon. I feel a strong activation of my left side of my body, lie down on the grass and bury my hands in it to strengthen the connection to mother Earth. I begin thanking her, saying things like “Thank you for cleansing me, thank you for taking care of all the rubbish I have, thank you for cleaning me”. I do so for approximately five minutes and then all of a sudden, as if my prayer of thankfulness has been heard, I instead begin saying “I’m thankful that I am cleansing myself, I’m thankful that I get rid of all my rubbish, I’m thankful that I clean myself”, which goes on for another five minutes. Mother Earth helps me and empowers me, but she also works through me as I work with myself. I feel grateful and happy, blessed, as I stand up with a big smile on my face and begin walking to the forest.
On my way I begin singing my first icaros (shaman song). “Hey. You’re ok. You’ll be fine. Just breathe.” I sing it with full heart and as I’m walking along a fence I become aware of something walking next to me. As I look through the fence there is a white sheep there. I put my hand through the fence to pat it and end up standing there cuddling and talking with it for a good ten minutes. I have grown up with sheep, but I have never seen one act this way. It is like a really affectionate cat rubbing it’s head against my hands.
I say goodbye, walk another 50 meters and feel the need to purge once more. I throw up violently and then lie down on the ground. As I lie there panting I thank mother Earth for receiving and transforming that which I no longer need. I feel a great release, especially in the throat area. A growl grows within and I soon find myself growling with immense power and joy as I connect to my inner lion. After having growled and sung and thanked mother Earth for a good 30 minutes I get to my feet feeling deeply relieved. I rub my medicine bag in the dirt before I continue walking along the forest path in the dark of the night.
As I continue to sing my first ikaros, my second icaros soon arrives. It seems very fitting, seeing that I am walking in the forest. “I am a walking tree, you are a walking tree :ǁ Feet on the earth, head in the sky. Our hearts join together, the two to one to meet :ǁ Bringing the light down, to the darkest ground. Releasing the dark side, into the light. :ǁ” The forest very much enjoys my presence and my song.
I get slightly lost and wander around the dark forest laughing about it all, but never have the urge to get my flashlight out or check the map in my phone.
07:15 Home again. Still very intense, but also very manageable. I have a cup of tea, feel happy and free. I begin working on cleansing unwanted energies from my life.
09:00 Still very strong. I feel a need to begin landing, since I am tired and hungry.
10:15 The experience is still going strong when I eat a baked potato and go to bed afterwards. No problem going to sleep.
19:20 I have slept for a little more than 8 hours. I am still a little spaced out, but more than that I feel relaxed, comfortable and content. I feel much lighter and grateful to have released whatever was in my throat. I am grateful for the guidance from mother Earth, for having connected with my two ikaros and for the strong connection to my inner lion.
After another night’s sleep I am back to normal, but still very happy and content. I seem to be dreaming more vividly after the experience.
Keeping in mind that this is my very first trip on seeds containing LSA I would say that the experience was very rewarding. Nine seeds is a strong dose with a lot of body load, but also great potential for solo shamanic work, or work with other shamans. For working therapeutically I would lower the dose somewhat, at least for the therapist, so that it wouldn’t be a challenge to keep focus.
I didn’t feel that the experience was as clear as LSD or as mystical as mushrooms, but it was certainly a psychedelic experience that can be used both for spiritual/shamanic and therapeutic work. I wasn’t able to have clear communication with the seeds, but will continue trying in future sessions. There seems to be a connection to earth and nature.
It was good that I drank more water before the second purge, or it would have been very painful.
I recommend a much lower dose for beginners and intermediate users, at least without a proper guide present. Also one should set aside the next day for integrating the experience and make sure to get enough sleep.
Photo: The Full Moon of Glen Ellyn by Jim Larrison on Flickr