A little more than two years ago the Archangel Ishmael pushed me into a powerful purge of my life where all things that were no longer beneficial for me were expelled.
I burnt and erased everything I had made up till the age of 36. From my very first drawings I made at preschool to my latest work and study related stuff. As I danced around the fire that devoured it the sentence “my history starts here” was ringing in my ears.
My marriage went the same way and even though that was the most difficult part, I can see that it is what was best for us all. I am happy to say that I am now good friends with my ex and an active, loving father of my children. With the marriage out the window I also lost 95 percent of my friends, so I ended up spending my 40th birthday alone wondering if I had any at all. I used to think I had very close and dear friendships, but when it came to it most of them just vanished. Having lost all friends I slowly began attracting new ones that are on similar paths as mine, although I don’t consider many of them as close as I thought my previous ones were. It left me feeling very lonely, but from that loneliness I have found new confidence in myself and the conviction that I need to follow my path with all my heart, no matter what other people think about it.
My job met the same fate, even though I was too comfortable to take that step myself. But when I didn’t life stepped in and cast it out. That gave me three months to write my very first book which was a purging of another relationship.
One of the most powerful aspects of the purge has to do with truth, which has been one focus of this blog up until now. We all carry things within that we don’t want others to know about. Things that we are ashamed of; secrets that we don’t want to admit to. I have consciously used this blog to rid myself of those secrets, which has been a very challenging process. I have often sat in front of the computer with the feeling that I really don’t want to push the publish button, but every time that feeling has come to me I have known that I really must. And I am happy to say that I have pushed that publish button every single time, even though my ego has gone bananas trying to persuade me not to. For every time I have let something that I am ashamed of go I have walked a little taller and loved myself a little more.
In the very beginning I also did my forgiveness walk which was a powerful release of negative emotions that I held onto regarding others and myself. That day was year’s worth of emotional healing that also made me realize that I have a tendency to feel guilt and shame even when I shouldn’t.
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At first I thought that the purge was only going to go on for a month or so, but the more I went into it, the more there was to work on. It dragged on and has challenged me in all aspects of life, to the point that I was unsure if I would ever be done with it. Then just last week a message came to me loud and clear.
I am done. The purge is over. Now the adventure continues. Work awaits.
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Of late many things have become very clear. I now know what I need to do next to be of service and I will be happy to share that with you as things unfold. For now I have made some important changes to my blog. The tagline for my blog used to be “Being brave is only the first step”. At the time I didn’t really understand how well that would sum it all up. Now I am on my next step, so the tagline has changed to “Healing and growing”, because that is what I help myself and others to do.
You can see big changes in my presentation and I have also added a short description of psychedelic medicine. I have also erased all blog posts that solely had to do with my truth purge, because they are no longer relevant to what this blog is to be. That isn’t to say that I won’t be paying attention to the truth. On the contrary. The truth is ingrained in me.
Now let’s get started. Tomorrow I will publish one of my most important blog posts to date – A guide to safely working with visionary plants, psychedelic medicines and life in general. I hope it will be of help to you.by